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A SENSE OF BELONGING

'Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging.' Deepak Chopra

We notice it most when it's missing. When we feel disconnected from the people, the places or the community we live in we lose our sense of belonging.

Some people go through life rarely experiencing the emptiness that goes with that sense of sailing adrift...and I've come to believe that that's not necessarily a good thing.

We are best at being empathic when we have first hand experience of another's circumstances. When we know what it's like to feel part of something bigger than ourselves, we know it's easier to feel at peace with the world. And when we understand how difficult it is to lose that connection, it makes sense that we would reach out to others when we notice that they are isolated.

For those people, like me, who inadvertently found themselves moving from place to place or others, who have chosen to live like gypsies, a lack of belonging can become second nature. Whilst it's still not easy to reconcile with the sense of feeling disconnected, it's not unfamiliar at least.

But for those who have lived life in one place, surrounded by family and good friends the sense of belonging can be somewhat taken for granted until you find, for example, that you're not a good fit in a workplace or you're the last of your friends to be single.

At some point in our lives, most of us will feel isolated from one group or another. We'll all experience that sense of standing on the periphery of the circle, uncertain about how to be accepted. Hesitant to try too hard for fear of looking desperate; cautious not to be pushy; anxious about rejection.

Our responsibility as human beings is to continue to open our hearts to others. To notice the person who is standing on the edge and welcome them in. To be open minded enough to know that there's always room for one more friend. To be willing to speak up when others are behaving exclusively. And importantly, to notice our prejudices and make a point of putting them aside.

Make an effort this month to create a sense of belonging:

• Invite a new friend to a social engagement
• Be inclusive of others in your workplace
• Start to notice where you close the doors to newcomers
• Volunteer at a refugee support group
• Make yourself known to a new neighbour
• Be brave and ask to be included

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

There have been many times in my life where I've felt bereft of a sense of belonging. As I've mentioned in earlier newsletters, I went to a new school almost every year throughout my education. It wasn't all bad, but I spent a lot of time making new friends and feeling very much outside established circles. I was lucky...I was content in my own company. As long as I had a book, my imagination and a place to escape to, my world felt relatively complete.

It wasn't until I made my first 'best' friend at the age of ten, that I realised I'd been missing something. Adrienne and I had so much in common. She loved to read too and her imagination was as vivid as mine. She was beautiful and funny and we completely adored one other.

She taught me ballet steps and gymnastics, we went bushwalking with her family and spent every waking moment in each others' company for the next two years. Until one day, she found another friend, as twelve year old girls sometimes do.

It was the first time in my life I'd really loved someone outside my own family so the loss of her friendship was crushing. But she left me with an indelible memory...that treasured sense of belonging. And as I grew older I learned that even when it passes, it will come around again.